I was still in college in 2010. I actually taught my first group workout class that year, named “Maximize Your Assets” 😂. What a lot of people don’t know is that I would get really nervous going into a gym, even for my academic classes.
Nervous to the point I avoided eye contact and speaking to anyone unfamiliar. I would always hope a friend would be there to walk in with me. I didn’t feel like I belonged or knew what I was doing at the gym. A lot of days I didn’t make it to the gym, because of my anxiety. Despite my gym insecurities and discomfort, I stuck around after college graduation to pursue my dreams of living in Santa Barbara and running my own fitness business.
My intention with my fitness business was to create long-lasting, positive waves of change. I wanted to create such a positive effect on the people I directly interacted with in my classes and training sessions, and later videos, that it poured over into their relationships and their communities in sustainable and long-term ways. I would reconnect with this intention at moments I wanted to give up. My goal was for effect of my work to be so much bigger than just me. And fitness was my vehicle for doing this.
2010 was the year this all really started. That year I committed to staying in Santa Barbara and following my passion. For me this marked a big step into the "unknown." To stay in Santa Barbara, I had to be able to support myself financially, leave some relationships and surrender to a lot of uncertainty. 2010 was the year that I decided my dreams, and living a life I LOVED that was authentic to ME was more important than any of my insecurities, fears, setbacks and what other people thought. I began taking big risks on following my dreams, asking deeper (+ sometimes hard) questions and really listening to my intuition.
I gave myself permission to open up to ALL my curiosities. In 2010, I began deep inner work, exploring tools like meditation, subtle energy work, and therapy. I listened to TED talks and read books on neuroscience, energy medicine and gut health. I experimented for the first time with wellness practices such as going vegan and gluten-free, getting bodywork done, and wearing barefoot shoes. I would teach any workout class people would let me, and train people for free just to get experience.
It has not always been pretty or easy. Over the last decade, there have been times I was unable to pay rent, completely broke and had to take out loans. I have shown up to a gym and driven away, multiple times, because I was so nervous. I have been scared to succeed. I have been scared to fail. I have stood up to people who were taking advantage of me, even when it was really really really scary. After filming all 25 workouts in 21 Day Booty Core, I found out the audio quality was unusable and had to spend another 6 weekends reshooting. I almost gave up. I have built websites that did not work, and launched ancillary businesses that failed. I have said no to really enticing full-time jobs that would have taken me out of fitness, but promised more financial stability. I have let go of key relationships in my life, that were no longer a fit for me. I have come face-to-face with my body insecurities and imposter syndrome when I share more of myself online and with you. I have sat at the beach, by myself crying, because it has been really hard at times. And, here I am, at the end of a decade, to tell you: it’s all been worth it.
So from a girl who used to be intimidated by gyms, and now has over 70,000 online fitness programs sold, trained celebrities, been on The Today Show, and taught 1000's of workout classes and trained 1000's of people in the last decade:
Do the shit that lights you up.
Invest in your dreams.
Stand in your worth.
Face your shadow.
Cultivate meaningful relationships with good people.
Choose to show up, for yourself, for your dreams and for what matters in your life.
And know, that even though the path may feel lonely, you are NEVER EVER ALONE ❤️ I SEE YOU ✌
Thank you ALL for your love, support, connection and energy this decade. I wouldn’t be here without you, and I mean that ❤️May the 2020’s be a decade of connection for you. I hope you see how strong, resilient, wise, beautiful, supported, worthy and loved you are. I hope you choose to live a life you love.